I guess this is growing up

September 21, 2017


I recently went to see an old favourite band called The Maine who I used to love when I was around 15/16 years old. I don't remember when I 'grew out' of them or stopped listening but my guess is when I was around 18/19.

Being American, they don't tour the UK often and when my best friend asked me to go, I thought why not - it was only £15! However, since then I've felt a tinge of longing for my teenage years and I'm feeling very nostalgic and whimsical when I look back on those times. Music makes you remember certain feelings or memories so strongly sometimes! For me, this band does just that.

We even stayed behind after the gig to meet the band and the support, get pictures and I even bought some merch! I recessed right back to my 16 year-old emo self and all those feelings of being misunderstood, lonely, and angsty came flooding back too apparently.

It really made me think about growing up. When I was 16, I dreamed of having my own flat, a boyfriend and best friend by my side. I have all that now but I'd love nothing more than to be able to be 16 again.

I've swapped tumblr for Blogger, pink hair for my natural colour, and the emo scene for more indie vibes. But I do miss it. I miss having no responsibilities, not having to cook my own tea and being able to cry along to my favourite bands songs that just seemed to get me, y'know? I miss sharing funny pictures of my favourite front man, queueing up for hours to get to the front and just feeling like I was part of something. At 23 all of that just feels so... juvenile.

It's so easy to look back and wish to be that young again. I had more friends, more time, even a healthier bank account! I hate having to get up everyday and go to work, earn money that I never get chance to enjoy. It's no longer my dream to own a house and I'm not too fussed about spending £20k on a wedding day either. I'd much rather have the money in the bank to travel the world, buy books, see bands and spend time with my favourite people.

I read so many inspiring things that encourage you to follow your dreams, work hard and make the most of your life - "don't do things that make you unhappy". Growing up for me has been a realisation that it's not all that easy. That you can't just quit your job and go travelling. That not everyone can make money online. That the world will be unfair and tiring and you'll want to give up.

But growing up also means appreciating the things you have. Understanding all the world's problems and thanking your lucky stars for the roof over your head and the out of date bread in your cupboard. It's perseverance, saving up, finding time to have fun. It's making the effort to see your friends and your boyfriend and your mum in the same weekend. It's still going to see your favourite bands (but perhaps not waiting in the rain for two hours after the gig to meet them!). Growing up is trying to look after your body but still wanting to get blind drunk and order pizza with your faves at the weekend.

Graduating uni and getting a 'real' job has been strange for me. It's hard to let go of the only thing you know and be thrown into a world of such responsibility. Your early 20s is a weird limbo period - you're not quite an adult but you're also not a teenager anymore. I suppose it's all about making sure you're enjoying it, rather than looking back in years to come wishing you'd done something else.

Do you feel you've 'grown up' yet? Then again, does anybody?!

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3 comments

  1. This is such a beautiful piece! I definitely don't feel grown up yet and everything seems too surreal and flying by so fast, when I was a teenager I remember waiting for things to change and never thinking I would have my first child before turning twenty; I still can't get my head around everything haha! Love your blog :D xx

    elizabeth ♡ ”Ice Cream” whispers Clara
    (lets follow each other on bloglovin or instagram)

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    1. Thanks! I know, it's so strange when you sit back and think about it isn't it?! I don't think I'll ever feel grown up haha xx

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